Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
