What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sex in a hospital.. check
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
