It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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