I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
