She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
