Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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