Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
