What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
