so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
