wrigley field is MILF paradise
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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