You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How's work?
Spinning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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