Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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