I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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