You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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