Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
