why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
