I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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