After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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