oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
