I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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