my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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