i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
