i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
