I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
