she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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