Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize