My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
