Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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