Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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