dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
