the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
