yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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