Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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