I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
cat food counts as protein by the way
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
