i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
