If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
