we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
