I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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