Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
