we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
