just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
