oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
