just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
