I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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