I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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