I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize