so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
sick fucks of a feather flock together
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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