Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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