Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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