tell your sister to shave her snatch
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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