I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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