Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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