OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize