You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
