Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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