I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this beer tastes like vomit already
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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