you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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