i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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