What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me too!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
