My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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