Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
