fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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