ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
