no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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