To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
