My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I understand Curling. That high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
