it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
