You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
