i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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