just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize