i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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