I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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