i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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