Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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