Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
