its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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