It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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