I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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