I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
