I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
