the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
