do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize