Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
