oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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