Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
