There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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