just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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