Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
