YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
