why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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