I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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