It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
