Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the condom got lost in my hair
only if we run a train.
done.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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