; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i think my cat just said my name.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
