just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize