You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
