first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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