Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
