My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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