dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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