The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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