All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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