he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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