Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
