next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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