It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
