I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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