About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
