Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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