even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
