Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I deserve this hangover.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
