Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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